All of us have done things that we are not proud of. Many of us think before we act. When we do something, anything, at that very moment we think we know exactly what we're doing and we often fool ourselves into thinking that we're doing the right thing. But we don't realize the implications of our actions till it's late...too late. We are so driven by emotion and circumstance that we unknowingly give our brain the wrong idea that what our hearts decide "has" to be the right thing. So the brain goes "Hey, looks like she's got it all under control...i'ts time to take a nap". Yeah, my brain seems to be taking way to many of these unauthorized siesta's these days.
Every action, every word of mine is so calculated. I make all these plans and formulate all sorts of theories in my head. But every once in a while there's this strong gust of wind that blows in and clears up the mess I didn't know I had made. So there i'm left, standing alone with my plan burnt up and crumpled on the floor and the wall i had built nowhere to be seen, thinking "how could i have been so stupid"!
Tonight, sitting on my bed, almost in tears, i realize that nothing-no smiles, no laughs, no fun, no friend is worth losing the trust of people you really care about.
It's ten o clock at night on the 22nd of July 2013 during the fifteenth year of my life and i make a promise to myself that never again, will i let myself get carried away by anything or anyone. Because after banging my head into the same wall over and over again, my stubborn mind has come to the conclusion that losing the trust of my parents is by far the worst feeling ever.
I'll be the first to admit I've got self esteem issues but knowing that the two people who are programmed to trust you, have lost all faith in you? Yeah, that doesn't help either.
For all teenagers out there, there are things that may seem right and things that may make you smile and laugh but if those things will diminish you in the eyes of those who really matter to you...the pain and guilt it will bring later is no match for those comparatively cheap thrills.
I would like to leave you with a question, shamelessly begging you guys for an answer..."What happens when i build a wall around me so i won't get hurt but forget to find a way to protect me from myself?"
Every action, every word of mine is so calculated. I make all these plans and formulate all sorts of theories in my head. But every once in a while there's this strong gust of wind that blows in and clears up the mess I didn't know I had made. So there i'm left, standing alone with my plan burnt up and crumpled on the floor and the wall i had built nowhere to be seen, thinking "how could i have been so stupid"!
Tonight, sitting on my bed, almost in tears, i realize that nothing-no smiles, no laughs, no fun, no friend is worth losing the trust of people you really care about.
It's ten o clock at night on the 22nd of July 2013 during the fifteenth year of my life and i make a promise to myself that never again, will i let myself get carried away by anything or anyone. Because after banging my head into the same wall over and over again, my stubborn mind has come to the conclusion that losing the trust of my parents is by far the worst feeling ever.
| Keep this in mind...i realized it too late :/ |
For all teenagers out there, there are things that may seem right and things that may make you smile and laugh but if those things will diminish you in the eyes of those who really matter to you...the pain and guilt it will bring later is no match for those comparatively cheap thrills.
I would like to leave you with a question, shamelessly begging you guys for an answer..."What happens when i build a wall around me so i won't get hurt but forget to find a way to protect me from myself?"
