Forbidden Fruit

We all want things that we can't have. It's human nature. its the sick, sordid truth to our very existence. Like a slow poison, desire creeps through our veins more often than not. Sometime we resist. And sometimes we give in to it. 

Temptation.Whether its the urge to cheat on your diet or your significant other or even on a pop quiz...we are all tempted to do things that we know, will have an ugly result. So why do we do it anyway? It's because each and every one of us hopes that we are the exception. The one person who is exempted from facing the wrath of our poor decisions simply because we believe we are better than the next person. 

I recently dipped my toes into the dangerous waters of delusion. I didn't fall. I stumbled. Not into love, but into liking. It was short lived but every single second scared me and I could feel the guilt gnawing at my conscience. Why? The object of my affection was forbidden fruit. 

I knew that if I took a bite, my world would come crashing down on me. That made it all the more irresistible, all the more frightening. And for some crazy reason, i justified myself with the deluded ideas of kismet and fate that had somehow become my shield. I had been put under a spell that stopped me from thinking straight. I was lucky to make it out unscathed but it was enough to teach me that while there may be many things that tempt me, I will be a stronger, better human being if I refuse to give in. 

It's takes some people months, some years and some forever to realize that  each and every human is equal and is equally vulnerable to the unwritten laws that have bound humanity and kept it from falling off the edge of time and space. We must save each other from none other than ourselves.

Rejection

Someone once said that failure and rejection are different. My biggest fear has always been failure. Today, I failed. There are so many tasks that one has to complete in a lifetime. One task. For the last three years, I had to do one thing. Work towards getting into the school of my dreams. The result? They rejected me. In other words, I failed to get accepted. And just like that, my biggest fear and I were eye to eye in an ugly standoff. One which I am bound to lose. 

Failure-2
Me-0

I know, I should take it into my stride and make the most of my situation blah blah blah. But as great as all of it sounds. It is easier said than done. This is my life at stake. Funny, considering my life has barely even started. 

They say that failure is a stepping stone to success. Okay so I should be excited at the prospect of something finally  going right in my life sometime in the near future, correct? Then why do I feel like there is something sinking in the ocean that is my mind because of a storm raised by my own emotions, dragging with it, any positive outlook  i might have ever had?

It's done. Over. I might never be the same person again. Failure does that to you i suppose. Changes you. For the better? I guess that's up to me but for now all I really want to do is curl up in bed and cry till I fall asleep and dream of victory.

Writers' Block ...

I recently came up with an idea for a novel and after countless brainstorming sessions and many a sleepless night, I simply cannot come up with a foolproof plot that is enticing enough to keep my own attention. I blamed it on writers block and let it go, but here I am 15 minutes later, typing down my thoughts the moment they enter my mind. I no longer think the blockage is necessarily in my thoughts rather, it is my limited experience that is curbing my imagination. In simple terms, my life is pretty boring and this seems to have an negative effect on the lives of the characters that I conjure up in my mind, making them equally dis interesting. 

Having a character with an enigmatic personality can only take a plot so far. It is the circumstance which really makes a story. Something which I am failing to come up with without it sounding mundane and rather immature.

I read so many books and somehow, I have come to the conclusion that the protagonist of every good book is damaged in one way or another. True, we all have our monsters but is it really quite necessary to have had a tragic childhood or to be orphaned or to have suffered abuse in order to have an interesting story?

Is it necessary for a character to have had something go wrong for their story to become a bestseller? 

It seems to really throw light on human nature to thrive off of others' misfortunes. 

I have been trying to distinguish the fine line between fact and fiction as a writer and in all honesty, I am having a terribly tough time trying to make my character remotely interesting without giving her some sort of sad back story. In hindsight, I suppose, that is what allows a person completely immerse themselves into a story-to be able to revel in someone else's problems to make your life seem far better in your own eyes.

I want to write a story that is meaningful and that will teach the reader something valuable. Something that will make others think and reflect. Its a rather difficult task for an inexperienced 15 year old like me who has not yet been exposed to the harsh realities of the outside world. But I sure do hope that when I do get out there, I will soak up every tiny bit and squeeze it all out into my writing so I can make a difference.

Another thing I just realized is that the best way to get over Writers Block is to write about it! But don't worry, the irony isn't lost on me :p